wait...what?

since my last post i've worked out (surprise, surprise) and gotten more sore...but that will be a recurring theme this year. after my first trap class my hands were so dead, i can't wait to build up my callouses so it doesn't hurt so bad. u know i went to write this with all these thoughts on what i was gonna say, and they have all currently vacated my brain. so i'll just talk...tomorrow i get to start the day with running class. yay. and it's running outside. i'm not a fan. i don't like running really at all, but at least can we do it inside where it's not all cold and shit? pretty please?? at least i have my lyra and sling class tomorrow night. good times...my hands are gonna hate me, but good times. and in any case it has to go better than the assessment i had to go through. let's not talk about that. 

so this little town that i live in....in this little state. it's kinda crazy...at least to me. for example, at some point before 10 pm the traffic lights don't go anymore. they just blink. this i don't understand. also the roads here are just kinda haphazardly thrown wherever. and some places need signs (ie stop, yield, etc.). then everyone around here seems very big on eating "local" (which means u eat food grown in ur area if u didn't already know), but listen, that's expansive. i think it's a good thing to eat local and organic and all that jazz, but why does it cost more?? ok, i sort of get why organic cost more...except not really because since they are NOT using all the pesticides and shit, shouldn't it be cheaper?? and on that same token, if it's grown locally, and the guy just walks down the street to get it to the market, then isn't he saving on the packing and shipping? so shouldn't that also be cheaper??? i don't get it...and i prolly never will cause i can't afford it. anyway, there's this graveyard that's on my walk or drive "downtown" that always reminds me of the haunted mansion, which u would think would make it less scary, but it actually creeps me out. and i'm not usually creeped out by cemeteries and such. i noticed some of the headstones (as u walk by, cause i don't plan on walking through it ever) date back to the 1700's...that's kinda crazy. i feel like the town of brattleboro was just a pathway and a few farms back then. irrelevant. everything closes early and i've been told the town just shuts down around 3 pm during the winter. fabulous. it'll be freezing and there will be nowhere to go....except price chopper. but i can't drive in the snow. at least not yet. 

i must say though, i often feel a little out of place in the "circus world"....it has not been all i live and breathe for since i was born. i'm no a protege at it. it just worries me sometimes that, while i fit in to an extent, i may never fully fit in. but then again fitting in is highly over rated. i guess i just don't want my circus colleagues to think "oh christi? yeah, i mean, she does stuff, but whatever." it's a concern i have right now. hopefully it will go away. along with all these other insecurities i've been having. shower time? i think so.